Apprehension, uncertainty, waiting, expectation, fear of surprise, do a patient more harm than any exertion.

Florence Nightingale.

One thing I love about Netflix, Hulu and On Demand, is the ability to binge watch my favorite shows, especially, TV series. As far as waiting is concerned, I am the typical patient from Nightingale’s imagination!  In an episode I recently watched on Greenleaf, Sophia, a teenage girl in Senior High, who has grown to love the Lord passionately, suffers from ovarian torsion, resulting in the loss of both her ovaries. Bad timing! She and her boyfriend were getting closer and based on his enthusiasm, she seemed so excited about the possibility of Motherhood that she shares her feelings with her Mother, right before the surgery.

Unable to comprehend why her loving God would allow her to go through such a painful and life changing ordeal, she becomes distraught. He must be one big fat lie! She projects her anger towards Him; tears up multiple pages from a Bible that her grandfather, the Bishop, had given to her as a gift, quits attending her volunteering program with the young children in Church and eventually stops attending Church. Leaning on her own understanding, she makes a calculation. One plus one doesn’t equal to Two any more! It’s no rocket science; the Math doesn’t add up!  It never will! She’s lost all that which is within her power to become a Mom. She’s lost everything! She stops believing.

When I think about the many times I have relied on my wisdom as far back as this young girl’s age, I would have long been buried and forgotten! Dragging God into numerous guilt trips, reckless decisions from my basic sense of entitlement, the need to please, the fear to fail, the desire to be validated and a reputation to preserve, have all been a result of leaning on my own understanding! The circumstances revolving around the women above soundly resonate. Thanks to God’s Sufficient Grace that I am not consumed. As they would say in my Hulu all time favorite; The Handmaid’s Tale; Praise Be!

Maturing, I have come to the realization that being clueless about how to react in a tough situation always provokes fear and panic. These three practices, however, have been great tools towards helping me overcome.

1. Openly talking to God about it.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  Psalm 139:2. It makes no sense to beat around the bush, when you believe in a God who knows your every thought. No matter how selfish, astonishing, impure, crud, honest or naive, I have found that being very honest about my thoughts to God stirs up an honest and intimate conversation, which enables me to courageously confront the situation, right from the initial moment of occurence.

Ever read about Peninnah in 1 Samuel 1: 6-18? She’s the one that God had blessed with children from right, left and center, but she mistook the Hand of God for her own strength and began to ridicule her co-wife Hannah for her inability to conceive.  Hannah turned to God, speaking to Him from her heart’s core, to the extent that Eli the priest believed her to have been drunk. But she boldly confessed of her affliction and the hope that God would answer in her great time of need! The priest blessed her and prayed that God may grant her desire!  There was no shame in her game at this point for fear no longer consumed her! She had given up control and handed the baton back in the hand of the one who knew her race from start to finish! It was much easier that way and oh yes, very rewarding too! The following year, she gave birth to a baby boy, Samuel! Talk to God!

2. Believe in yourself.

Philippians 4:13. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Accomplishing our goals is solely dependent on our God-given strength.  Panic and fear come as a result of our physical and mental exertion, which we have clearly established to be futile. It is okay to exhibit this as an initial reaction so long as we quickly revert to the truth. Whatever God says to us in His word and in our pursuit of Him, is the truth.

I am quickly reminded of how Leah inflicted unnecessary mental distress on her sister and fellow wife, Rachel, causing her to offer her maidservant, Bilhah to lay with her husband and bear her children. Leah seeing Rachel’s blessing, became consumed with jealousy and the root of bitterness found a soft spot within her. In two shakes of a lamb’s tail, it was a childbirth competition in Laban’s estate! Leah turned to Zilpah, her maidservant for more children, forgetting all what God had done for her in His loving kindness and mercy, without previously needing her help in this matter. She had stripped Him of His power, replacing it with her own.

I don’t recall the scriptures highlighting any complaints from Jacob to either of his wives, except when Rachel cried out to him to give her children and Jacob despondently responded that He wasn’t the God who had kept her from having Children, Gen 30:2. God and I haven’t been able to hammer out a deal yet, without my need to impose judgement on Jacob, but I would hate to think that he just senselessly lay there, allowing his body to do all the thinking! Nevertheless, his father in law had just dealt him an ugly hand of deception. He would seem to care less if granted in marriage the hands of all the women in that household! Perhaps God had instructed Him to do nothing or maybe he just knew better to steer clear of a losing battle: Hell has no fury, like a woman scorned!

Of course the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! These young women had walked in the very footsteps as their grandmother Sarah, who had laughed in Gen 18:13-14, when God said that He would bless her with a Child. One glance at her advanced age and she set up her youthful maid servant with her husband! Like Sophia Greenleaf, her own understanding had caused her to deduce that all the odds of child bearing were absolutely not in her favor! Alas! Unbelief was bred and out of Hagar’s womb and Abraham’s loins, came forth Ishmael! But wait! The promised boy’s name was Isaac! Gen 17:19.  Believe in what God tells you! Believe in your power to hear Him! Believe in yourself!

3. Share your experience.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered,  two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Although getting through this tough season in Sophia’s life hasn’t been easy, she has the full support of her family and friends. At times you may want to retract into your cocoon and wish that you could forget, or this could all go away somehow, but confronting your red zone is always the healthier choice. Once you establish that the Lord is in full control, then you begin to build up confidence in yourself. Eventually, you’ll find that opening up about your experiences to those that God has led your way is the cherry on the cake! The surprise at how alone you are not is a breath of fresh air!

There’s so much wisdom and non-utilized resources out there! Pray that God may draw good friends your way, have the courage to make new friends, talk to someone you trust, date, fall in love, get married, travel the world, join support groups, host Bible study groups, throw parties, volunteer and be a good friend! You are never alone!

Friends are where one offloads what
One cannot bear alone —
Spoiled goods that jam the gut,
Sorrows turned to stone.

Why does the act of telling friends
One’s troubles ease one’s pain?
Nothing changes, nothing ends,
Yet one can cope again.

It’s not that one is looking for
Advice or sympathy.
One has pent-up words to pour
Into reality.

A friend is like a field on which
Such feelings can find air.
The point is not to say too much,
But simply to be there.

-Nicholas Gordon

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.

#SayNoToFear